Dear Ones –

Today we would like to correct some misunderstandings if we may.

Depression is not one thing. It is not a bad thing. It does not mean anyone did anything wrong. It is a coping skill, an attempt to deal with things that feel undealable-with. So, have a little space in yourself for your own depressive times and those of others.

What makes depression worse? Well, you all know the answers to this. It is worse when you hold it in and pretend it doesn’t matter or doesn’t happen to you at all. It is worse when you allow it a foothold in your mind without fighting back, fighting for your right to survive it. It is worse when you tell someone to just cheer up. Cheering up is not possible, nor is it an accurate prescription for what ails.

What makes depression better? Well, you know this as well. Getting out of the house and looking up at the sky and breathing air. Purpose. Intention. Will. Resting gently as opposed to sinking into the quagmire without lifting your hand as a signal, “Hey, I could use some help here…” Giving yourself or another one something encouraging like a pat on the back. Saying to yourself or another one, “Hey, I am here for you. I don’t know what to do, but I won’t look away. I will bear witness to your pain and I won’t compare and I will agree it just sucks.” Or something along those lines.

Depression is anger and sorrow and fear turned inwards, like a nasty ingrown hair. The skin of your psyche grows up around it, thick and irritated. Even when the pressure is relieved, the cause beneath the surface must be addressed. And nobody wants to do that, because it is ugly and it hurts. But oh, the soothing balm of a cool compress of compassion, the drawing out power of patience and the listening ear. What you hear and feel will never be as bad, we promise, as the attempt to not feel and hear and see it has been.

Sometimes the fear is the fear of failure, sometimes the fear of success. Sometimes the sorrow is of loss and transition, but sometimes one’s own limitations – the inherent limitations in the human condition, we add – are the pain that cannot be borne. Sometimes it is just a way to survive. Deepen into the swampy place, breathe as little as possible, eat and drink the things that bring you sleep and nervous energy and oblivion.

But underneath it all, you are longing to be free, to love yourself and come out into your place in the world. And every moment this is true. And every moment brings an opportunity to touch that truth in you. Some days it is closer to the surface. Some days it is harder to find. But it is indestructible, adamantine, and it sparkles when it comes into the light. Trust this. Never give up. You have work to do and joy to behold and love to send and to receive. Please do. You have come all this way, not for nothing. It’s never too late. Not now.